#Coachthursdays - How to overcome low self-esteem


‘The day you stop racing, is the day you win the race’ – Bob Marley. Let’s think about this. What are you battling with? Who are you competing with? And is there a prize you will win by keeping on battling with people and with yourself? What if you just stopped racing and changed the game.

Self-esteem means to have confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. Now the problem is we have allowed people to tell us what we can do and what we can or cannot make happen. Check my post on how to make things happen by 
clicking here, and how to believe in yourself by clicking here.

I remember thinking, why was I not good enough? Why was I not worth fighting for? Why was our family not worth fighting for after my first child’s mum decided to quit and after my second child’s mum and wife decided to quit. I remember thinking why did my father not want to leave his country and be here with his wife and family for all my life, were we not worth it?

Words are powerful, and actions our memorable, and I know there are many that have been abused, emotionally, physically and even spiritually made to feel worthless, made to feel like even God has abandoned them. Parents telling their own children that they will never be nothing, or even neglecting them and becoming the root cause of numerous adults walking around with low-self esteem and only aiming to just get by.

The truth of the matter is, many of the people over us, were having their own battles, and they did not know better or have the strength to do better, instead they just lashed out. The saying goes, ‘hurt people, hurt people’.

It is individuals, personal selfish desires to be someone, or get some money, or anger that they have been hurt, or putting blame on others for how their life has turned, that can summarise many of the reasons why they ended up being the root cause of others now having a lack of confidence. But what if you could really realise that you are in control. Check out my post on how to be disciplined and have self-control by 
clicking here.

‘Self-esteem is a measure of how much you value, respect, and feel confident about yourself’. Many of us would not have children now if we really valued ourselves and understood our worth, instead we try to put patches on our pain, through looking for someone else on the outside to show us we are worth it, seeking relationships and holding on to toxic relationships just to fit in with what we have become programmed to believe is the way we should be living.

But what if you could literally be born again? What would you do differently? How would you like to feel about yourself? What if you just stopped racing and playing this mental game, where the words of others, and your own mind is keeping you in chains. Who are you really, if we took away the chains of low self-esteem? Because the truth of the matter is, it is not how other people see you, it is how you see yourself.

Step 1 – Change your world – It is through being in this world that you have become a victim of the negative parts of the world, and this hold on you is through words and actions. Therefore, take control by speaking new words daily to yourself, and doing new positive things and actions daily for yourself.

Take some time away from watching TV, music, and anything you have been doing for a long time, while you have been grieving, or just getting by with this bad friend called low self-esteem. Take yourself away from people that are not positive and speak good things over you or leave you with a good vibes and energy, until you overcome how you feel about yourself.

Step 2 – Take yourself away from the world where you can, of course you may still have to go to work, or still communicate with your child’s other parent, but you can change the way you do things in your world, by first realising you are in control. When people see you are not playing their game, they will eventually learn you have evolved, and will leave you alone.

Don’t run the race they are running, if battles come and conflicts, take yourself away, take yourself to your future, and to your passion and dreams, take yourself away from their race, you are full of purpose. It is time to start again.

Step 3 – Write your own story, your life is a book and you are the writer. Just imagine if you were able to write a book, what hobbies would you give your character, what dreams would you give your character. Forget about money for a second, do something for you, find something you actually love, be so consumed with passion, desire and love you have no time to even remember you had low self-esteem, be busy just being the best version of yourself, you have no time to think about how others think of you. Find something that can be done at anytime and anywhere and for free. Remember what you used to dream about, or find others that are full of passion and dreams and help them until you find your dream.

I once heard there are some that use money just to make it look like they have more money than they do, whereas, there are some that use money to actually make more money and you would never know. They use money and get to where they really want to be. Which one are you? Are you trying to show others that you are someone, or are you ready to realise, that you are someone? You literally can decide whether you just jump up in the air and shout right now ‘I am great’.

Do you know how powerful that is? Do you know how powerful you are, that you can literally decide to say who you are? And then become who you say you are, just because you said you are. Who are you?

Step 4 – Be your own parent or best friend, love yourself, be your own coach and hype man. There are so many parents giving their children the best advice, and when it comes to relationships they are giving their friends the best advice, many are on social media posting the most profound and helpful statuses, but what if you took your own advice and did what you are telling others to do?

Take care of yourself, take care of your mind, body, soul and spirit, take care of your well-being, by learning to be more organised (
click here), learning how to not procrastinate (click here) and learning how to change habits (click here).

Step 5 – Get to know yourself – And how can you know yourself if you forget who made you? Take yourself away from the world by also going back to love, God is love. Think about giving back to the world all the things you wish you were given. Think about if you could help stop someone going through what you have had to go through. Love will literally set you free.

Leave a comment and let me know how you have overcome low self-esteem, or which of the above steps is your favourite step?


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A father, a teacher, a poetic life coach who knows to say it, feel it, see it like you already are it, now repeat it, till you are it. Obtaining wealth is a skill that can be taught. Fulfillment, completeness and divine wholeness is a manifestation of your choices. Make the right choice and transform your life, one word at a time.

Jonathan Lilley


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