#coachthursdays - How to adapt to changes in life – being resilient


“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” —Henri Bergson

In my previous post, I mentioned the need to be resilient, instead of trying to control life with expectations that may be coming from dark places, and wounded places.

here to read how to overcome the battle of expectations. Click here to read how to overcome the pain of rejection. Click here to read how to overcome low self-esteem. Click here to read how to overcome impatience. Click here to read how to overcome anxiety. Click here to read how to believe in yourself. Click here to read how to make things happen. Click here to read how to change habits.

If truth be told, if I was to have voted in the Brexit decision, I may have voted to leave, just because I wanted to see a change and go into an era I have never experienced in my life. However, many people do not like change, and then there are all the other concerns around leaving, which were not clearly explained.

But why do many fear change? Studies suggest people would rather be unhappy than to live with uncertainty, think about how many toxic relationships you have heard about, and you wonder why they are unmarried and allowing the abuse, and many times it is just because they do not want to start all over and go through an unknown change.

People get attached to jobs that are affecting their mental health and are not connected to their real dreams and passion, because they have got comfortable, and fear the change and the financial uncertainty. Change brings about uncertainty and an unknown future.

Feeling uncertain can make you feel very uneasy. Our brains would rather not have uncertainty hanging around it, think about a computer, and when you input invalid data, the computer can not move on with errors. Studies suggest our brain treats uncertainty like an error.

Change can also make people believe they are losing something, and their loss aversion can even take away their logic; for example, in my time in the stock market, I have heard many people when losing money within a day, have then begun to pump more and more money in, and take more and more non-calculated risks in order to try and not lose overall for the day, they no longer seem able to apply their logic and walk away for the day.

I started to think, perhaps our ability to handle the changes in life is correlated with whether we are optimistic or pessimistic people. Studies also suggest that the majority of people are personally optimistic about themselves, relationships and personal growth, but are very pessimistic about the world i.e. politics and global matters.

How to adapt to changes: –

1) Be aware of yourself, as if you are watching yourself from a bird’s eye view, while you are in a situation, learn to observe your emotional reactions and the behaviour patterns of people around you.

Awareness enables you to catch yourself in an act as though life is a movie, and you are watching yourself and deciding on how you want the script to play out. As a teacher, I have seen many teachers make themselves sick from shouting and frustration, as they get very angry at students, who were intentionally trying to make them angry. However, I have learned to be aware of myself and the students, and I do not allow emotions to dictate my responses. I have come across many similar situations involving students behaviour, that has led me to form a sort of scripted response, as though I am a robot.

I do not let emotions to rule me, I detach myself from the situation and stay impartial. I stay aware of what I choose to do or say by not taking things personally and not forgetting who I am and my ultimate purpose, this habit then becomes a natural automatic response. Being aware and maintaining control helps to automate our habits and this can help with building resilience. Click 
here to learn how to change habits.

2) Be resilient, as this will help you maintain control and find new ways to tackle changes, you will not fear the change too much, as you will already know you are able to bend or mold and handle different situations, just like a resilient material. Resilient people also understand that life comes with changes and challenges, therefore they are emotionally prepared to bend and mold and adapt when needed, finding the required motivation for change is then easier.

3) Be motivated by understanding what resilience is made up of. ‘Resilience is made up of five pillars: self awareness, mindfulness, self-care, positive relationships & purpose. By strengthening these pillars, we, in turn, become more resilient’. Without motivation, we would not be able to find the strength to change.

4) Understand why the change is happening if possible, or accept the change if it is out of your control, in order to get your mind to stop treating it as an error that it can not get past.

5) Believe you are able to handle the change and the process. Believe you are able to do whatever life throws at you. Think about the last time you have had to go through an economic change, financial or personal change, how did you do it? Now think how you can do it without any resistance. Learn how to believe in yourself by clicking 
here and how to overcome low self-esteem by clicking here.

6) Challenge yourself by changing small things, learn something new, especially during this lock-down period. There are actually people who have changed their business model and are making more money than they have done before, there are others that decided to start new hobbies.

You could even start with something as easy as a new exercise drill, this can help improve your motivation levels and help break the fear of change and improve your well-being and resilience while providing your memory banks with evidence that you are able to achieve great things and change yourself and adapt to new situations. Learn to play chess or skills that can be done cheaply so you can learn mental strategies to help you win with small victories.

School and the education system is often ridiculed, but just imagine if you chose to continue to independently study the subjects that were forced on us, like Maths, English, Science, ICT, Music, Foreign languages, etc; just imagine how knowledgeable you would be and easily motivated as you would realise you are able to learn something in any situation and through any changes. You are literally able to learn anything using youtube. Never stop learning, life is a school.

7) Be optimistic, expect good things to happen in the world and to yourself, expect that all change will ultimately end in your favour. Click 
here to read how to overcome the battle of expectations – Low expectations versus high expectations. You are an overcomer, you are a world changer.


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