#coachthursdays - How to overcome sexual desire and lust - delaying sexual gratification


‘What can you not do?’ is often the question my colleagues at work ask me, as they believe I do so much; from playing piano, teaching taekwondo, writing songs, books and blog posts, being a father, maths teacher, church leader and stocks plus cryptocurrency investing/trading. My answer is normally, it is amazing what you can do when you are single.

However, being single is not the most important factor that aided my rapid personal growth. It ultimately came from the choice to not have sex or masturbate while being single. Did you know footballers are told not to have sex before games or masturbate as it can take away their stamina, motivation and alertness?

here to read how to be alone and how to maximise your time alone. Click here to read how to get motivated to do things. Click here to read how to adapt to changes in life – being resilient. Click here to read how to overcome the battle of expectations. Click here to read how to overcome the pain of rejection. Click here to read how to overcome low self-esteem. Click here to read how to overcome impatience. Click here to read how to overcome anxiety. Click here to read how to believe in yourself. Click here to read how to make things happen. Click here to read how to change habits.

Napoleon Hill states “Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires. So strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it.”.

I have seen how powerful it is when you learn to control sexual desires and turn them into creative energy. ‘Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.’ – Seneca.

Sexual desire in itself is not the problem, it is in fact what you do with it, especially when younger and developing unhealthy habits that then become your character. There are lessons that we are not taught as children such as the need to delay gratification. Many would also argue for every action there is a reaction, even if you don’t initially see the consequences.

There are stories of women who have never spent more than 2 weeks single, as they never knew how to be alone (click 
here to read how to be alone). They found that through deciding to be celebet, and find themselves, instead of only seeing themselves as someone’s girlfriend, they learned to find new interests they never knew they had, they learned to learn what they really like. In there time celebet they then also got to learn how to date and understand if someone is even right for them, as before they were always changing themselves in relationships to please people and just from fear of being alone and because society pushes the pleasure principle on us more than the reality principle.

The pleasure principle is all about instant gratification ‘it is the instinctive seeking of pleasure and avoiding of pain to satisfy biological and psychological needs’, whereas the reality principle, ‘forces the mind to consider the risks, requirements and outcomes of various decisions. The ego does not strive to eradicate urges, but instead it temporarily halts the discharge of the id’s energy until a more suitable, safe and realistic time and place can be found’.

Even in my own personal experience, I have seen how I managed to become a black belt in taekwondo, by deciding to fill my time focussing on delayed gratification and personal growth, Freud would call this my superego controlling my ego instead of allowing my id to control me through its demand for sexual gratification and constant pleasure. I also found you are able to create an energy that keeps growing around you the more you turn sexual desire into something else, ideas and songs now come to me even in my sleep as I have seen there is a power when not living with lust and unhealthy habits as an acceptable way of life, without challenging your ego.

Creativity and inspiration can also act as a self-defense mechanism during life’s struggle. After a marriage break up, by remembering to catch my-self and choosing to stay in control of my desires, I have been able to become successful in new business ventures, even when I have found myself having friends that I wouldn’t mind possibly becoming more than a friend, my ultimate goal was no longer about sex, it was rather about us growing and developing to be better together and successful together rather than just trying to get instant gratification.

I have found as you control yourself and develop new fruits, in a sense you feed your future and are then able to be trusted with more. I was able to be led to become friends with people that would have never been my friend if I was simply trying to get to know them because of my sexual desires, this then led to me discovering new business ventures that have now set me up for life. All because I had learned to master myself and turn that energy that was being used in sexual desire into creative and purposeful energy, even though I may have slipped up at times, as I had already gone through years of self-control with possibly only a few days’ slip up, this meant I had already changed my habits and shaped my character to a place of no return, no retreating from the goal.

The power of self-control has a domino effect on your physical, emotional, and spiritual growth, as you begin to develop the fruits of self-control, this then develops patience, obedience, contentment, gratitude, which then develops your faith, which then empowers you again to have more self-control and the cycle continues until you find you are growing rapidly all from a simple act of deciding to not live by sexual gratification outside of marriage.

While writing today’s blog post I stumbled across a post that explained that in a sense there are natural laws, and if you break them you are punished one way or another, for example, if you try to defy gravity you may hurt yourself, or if you bring harm to people you might be arrested and stopped from having freedom. If you don’t follow the laws governing your body and nutrition you can end up with diseases and other illnesses, so what happens when you don’t follow some spiritual laws?

It was suggested perhaps you are simply not where you want to be or should be, because of the consequence of not obeying some simple spiritual laws such as feeding into your lust and sexual desires outside of marriage.

How to overcome sexual desire and lust – delaying sexual gratification:

1) Be aware of your triggers – I have found in the times when I have been most tempted to just act young and wild would be when drinking at parties. Therefore, being aware of how your thoughts are affected by what you are drinking, what you are watching, what you are discussing, who you are with and what you are seeing and hearing is crucial.

2) Control your thoughts, by feeding your thoughts, choose what to think and what to repeat to yourself. Click 
here to read how to change habits.

3) Have a desire to be successful that is so strong you leave no room to retreat from it, with things that can come in the way. Would you like to not get to the promised land that promised goal, vision, dream, just because you could not learn to control yourself and your lust?

Imagine a parent wanting to give you their business to run, but you have not shown you are yet able to manage your money, how will they think you are ready to run the family business? What if God is waiting to give you his daughter or give you his son but you are not even able to manage and control yourself, how can he trust you to grow correctly together with his child, or with his plans for your life?


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A father, a teacher, a poetic life coach who knows to say it, feel it, see it like you already are it, now repeat it, till you are it. Obtaining wealth is a skill that can be taught. Fulfillment, completeness and divine wholeness is a manifestation of your choices. Make the right choice and transform your life, one word at a time.

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